The Light of 2022
Being the complex humans we are, there’s a natural tendency that exists, always working to shift our focus so that we ever so slightly give more attention to life’s negatives. I think in light of the New Year especially, it can become overwhelmingly easy for our brains to immediately title whatever losses, challenges, and obstacles life handed to us as the overarching staple for the last 12 months. And if I’m allowing myself to be completely truthful here, I’ve followed this inclination of “chalking it up to a bad year” for at least 5 years now. With nonstop surgeries at times, unpredictable life change, and multiple loved ones lost, I’ve even felt fairly justified in doing so.
However, this isn’t what I truly want my heart’s focus set on. I believe any year can be viewed poorly if you want it to, especially for my friends (me included) that may deeply struggle when facing change. I’ve always desired consistency, security, and to feel safe — I think many others can probably relate to that. But what can we do when life doesn’t behave in that manner? When life isn’t giving to our usual comforts? When we’re pushed so far our only option is to become someone new?
There’s another side to the spectrum though. No matter how small it seems, I believe there’s equally (if not more) beautiful and pleasurable things existing in this world than there are bad. I think it’s our job as self caretakers to magnify as much of the goodness as we can. Mental health professionals say it takes five positive thoughts to offset the negative bias of a single bad one, and although it seems pretty uncool that we have to work harder to be happier (if I’m comprehending that correctly), I’m trying to use it as a reminder and challenge to myself to shift my gaze. In light of that, I want to reflect on some of the LIGHT that 2022 has set on me.
HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY
Perhaps a tad overdue in initially beginning, working to get my hormones balanced had been an important goal of mine for quite some time. Following a total hysterectomy at the start of 2020 for Adenomyosis treatment, I figured my chances were pretty high of likely needing some help getting my levels back on track as I began to move my life forward from the event. It didn’t take long after surgery for a host of issues to crop up, all of which seemed to closely resemble symptoms of menopause. However, realizing this while the pandemic was only just beginning and medical care was becoming slightly (okay, incredibly) less accessible, I got used to coexisting with the many discomforts my hormone deficit had to offer during this season.
Later, once given my core diagnosis of EDS, I did what many others have the tendency of doing immediately following the news of a daunting diagnosis — I began Googling. And while there’s still many answers even the internet cannot provide (Weird, it’s almost like we need more research funded for these illnesses haha), part of the puzzle fell into place for me when learning there’s a connection between joint laxity and hormone imbalances. Furthermore, a lot I learned about hormonal joint health overall. It seemed potentially hopeful to then think that in pursuing replacement therapy, I’d not only be helping to recalibrate from a surgery I’ve now spent a few years post-op from, but also better support me now that joint protection has shifted to being a top priority.
Needless to say, hormones have been a blessing in countless ways. I’d seriously forgotten what it felt like to be able to sleep fully through the night, not having to battle between a constant flux of feverishly hot and freezing cold. Or just… being wide awake despite desperately seeking sleep. My decision to go out in public and leave the house is no longer dictated by the insecurity that’s tied to fighting hormonal acne in my 20’s. I feel much more like myself in this version of my body, and know by sticking to this process, I’m truly doing one of the best things to support my healing.
PHYSICAL THERAPY
Always having a bitter relationship with physical therapy in the past, I initially felt extremely hesitant to begin this process again. I’ve only in the last couple years learned of the impact my diagnosis has on my ability (or inability lol) to build muscle, and prior to knowing this, always felt the weight of failed expectations falling on me as I continually struggled to heal and progress. Alongside one particular PT who’s frustration regarding my lack of results was being directly communicated to me at one point, physical therapy quickly became an extremely vulnerable area in which I grew to become incredibly hyperaware of all my shortcomings. In that feeling, I inevitably set aside my desires to push forward.
Unfortunately, what I was unaware of at the time, was the vicious cycle of deconditioning that those fighting EDS can often fall into. Dislocations and joint injuries lead to further instability, and without proper muscle to support a joint, you’re only likely to continue hurting yourself again and again. Then, in my case at least, to later attempt to build muscle in an area after such repeated trauma has occurred becomes risky in itself. I became weaker than I ever had before, and without going into too much detail, can wholeheartedly say the limitations created from this challenge grew to touch all facets of my life.
It soon came with the embarrassing realization that, had somebody locked me in a room with a 14 year old version of myself and gave us no other option but to fight the other, teenage me would 100% without a doubt be the one to take home that battle’s trophy. I didn’t want this as my story, reaching my physical peak as a literal child. I had to get back to gardening, to moving and grooving! By the start of summer, I was beyond ready to see myself stronger but knew given my physical state, simply going and getting a gym membership was out of the question. It was then I decided, back to PT I go!
I’m thankful for the many freedoms rehabilitation has slowly but surely brought back into my life. Although I still have quite some ways to go before I’m where I want to be, experiencing these small moments of accomplishments while simultaneously feeling stronger and proud over what my body can do rather than focusing on what it’s been unable to do has helped my mental state just as much as it has my physical.
PORT CREATIVE CO.
By far, this year’s greatest blessing has been one that I had no idea would exist when originally walking into the year. Port Creative Co. was something I could’ve never predicted at the beginning of 2022. Initially, I just thought I wanted a blog as a place to talk openly about my experiences with health and life while having an audience of only those who wanted to know me genuinely. However, as I entered the year grappling with the unexpected loss of my Aunt, I found myself clinging to her in a million different ways — All of which were solely based off creation. My bedroom quickly became littered with paintbrushes and Mod Podge, and after witnessing yet another instance in which art provided me great healing, I felt the heart behind the Creative Co. grow a little bigger!
Time and time again this year, I’ve been shown what an incredible chance this business was to take. In ways completely unexpected sometimes, I’ve seen it deepen relationships within my family as Isabella and I grow, connect us with total strangers and other incredibly gifted small business owners, and supply us a safe haven to openly wrestle the many griefs and joys that come to us in this lifetime while sharing it with whomever may relate.
Our love for the Creative Co. has only continued to grow in time. Eagerly awaiting this New Year, I find myself ready to grab hold of any and all inspiration that comes with it. It’s been both a blessing and a surprise to uncover the complete joy surrounding this project of ours.
