A Practice in Compassion
Compassion; something that tends to easily be given to others, yet proven quite difficult to gift myself. In January, I decided that that would be my “word” for the year, coming from the realization that I was feeling a desperate need for more kindness in my life. Although surrounded by people far more supportive and loving than I could possibly ask for, I realized the root of my deficit was not being able to extend that same gentleness to myself. Waiting, I had all the words I’d want to give someone standing in my shoes at the time, yet there I was, in my own shoes, unable to offer much of anything at all.
What propelled my shift forward started with a pretty major change. Enrolling in a yoga teacher training program at the start of the year, I deemed it my first mark towards self compassion. Originally, the thought of enrolling excited me, and I had previously talked about pursuing such certification in some way before receiving my EDS diagnosis in 2020. Complications from that season of life led me towards temporarily benching the idea while my instances of accruing injuries still remained pretty high. Luckily, after dedicating much time towards strength training and overcoming some deconditioning, it appeared more within my realm to entertain by the start of the year.
My body’s ability to move freely (although perhaps too freely at times lol) is not something I take lightly. In fact, I really struggle to sit still, to relax. I’m aware this stems from the unfortunate period of life (2017-2020) where I spent the majority of my time bed bound, going from surgery to surgery. As a result, I tend to now get a bit panicky on my off days, or during really any period that involves any amount of down time. I know, I know. Not my most admirable quality. My therapist and I often laugh about how hard I’ll fight an empty schedule, but whatever the solution to that may be, one point clearly stands — Movement matters to me.
So, I have a couple days of strength training weekly that are already a natural compassion practice, as I’m always forcing myself back into moments of wild acceptance and grace for however it is I can show up today. Not for who I want to be tomorrow. And then yoga! Yoga is absolutely lovely and I’m aiming to write a post reflecting on my experience in training and how that plays into the future, but I’m going into the studio anywhere between 2-4 days a week right now. It’s totally refilled my cup. Then, as a bonus, on those beautifully gifted free days I love to complain so much about, I took up step counting! It’s now a game I play with myself to lighten the mood on those days. Feel like I can’t sit down to even watch a movie without losing my mind? Let’s see how long I can walk it out! So far, my record is 5.5 miles, and my daily goal is 10,000 steps. And yep, the bad knee has been hanging in great for it all!
The slow moments are coming with easier offerings of compassion now too. I’ve learned that just because I’m still, that doesn’t mean I’m stuck. It seems to be a pretty vital chunk of information for me to hold onto, so I wanted to be sure to pass it along to you too. For me in this season, compassion looks like honoring my recovery within my desire to move while also holding space to come home to myself at the end of the day, having that quiet moment to simply be, and being okay with simply being. How does compassion show up for you?
